Liza Miron

In this episode of Just Like Nana, host Amie (Elizabeth) Penny Sayler is joined by Liza Miron, Family Constellations facilitator and coach, to discuss ancestral trauma through family entanglements and how we can heal from them.

Together they discover how to balance ancestral anger while honoring those ancestors, the importance of acceptance and belonging, and so much more.

About Liza

With over 15 years of hands-on experience with different modalities, Family Constellations facilitator and trainer Liza Miron is passionate about nurturing growth, fostering awareness, and uncovering underlying threads that keep people from enjoying their lives. This is complemented by her dynamic academic background, including a BA in Business Administration, an MA in Coaching and Human Resources Management, and spectrum-wide certifications including NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), EFT (Emotional Freedom Techniques), Reiki, and Syntara System Energy Healing.

In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Recognize that you are part of a larger energetic web. When an ancestor is forgotten, excluded, or judged, the system often entangles a later generation to represent that person, leading us to repeat their difficult patterns.
• Healing begins when we acknowledge the black sheep or the forgotten ones and return them to their place in the system.
• Discover why the most powerful healing sentence is a simple Yes to reality. Looking at the truth of your family history without judgment allows the heavy energy of the past to transform into strength.
• You don't have to suffer to show loyalty to your lineage. Learn how to honor your ancestors by living a full, happy life—turning their survival and sacrifices into your fuel for success.

Resources Mentioned

• Another Self (Zeytin Agaci)

Connect with Liza Miron

• Website
• Facebook
• YouTube
• Instagram
• LinkedIn

Connect with the Show

• Website: justlikenana.com
• Share Your Story: If you have a family story or trauma you’re exploring, reach out via our website for a chance to be interviewed.

Connect with Just Like Nana's Website.

A proud member of the Feminist Podcasters Collective.

Theme music by Carter Penny.

Transcript

Healing Family Entanglements Through Family Constellations with Liza Miron

Amie Penny Sayler 0:22

Welcome to Just Like Nana. I am your host, Amie Elizabeth Penny Sayler. I told you my middle name, Elizabeth, because this podcast is all about understanding, appreciating, being in relationship with those who came before you. And I have in my family tree 45 grandmas, great grandmas, great-great, great, great, great-grandmas, going back about 10 generations with the name Elizabeth. So excited to tell some of their stories during this podcast. But that is not exactly what today's episode is about, although today we will talk about family constellations with Liza Miron. And I am just so excited for you to learn what she has to say. As always, Just Like Nana is intended to offer information, some of which will register in your body as this feels right for me, and this is a path I want to explore, some of which won't. But Liza has a lot of wisdom to share in how we relate within a family system or a family constellation that is really just fascinating. One of the biggest takeaways that I have from our conversation is that we all belong. We belong to this earth and we belong within our families, regardless of what possible alienation or disconnection or adoption or death or whatever the circumstances that has occurred during this living existence, we do still belong. So Liza's passion is to see people grow, develop, connect to a higher level of awareness, and to enjoy life to the fullest. For the past 15 years, Liza has been working with clients using different healing methods that include family constellations, coaching, EFT, NLP, meditation, channeling, and Reiki. Liza has studied and lived in the US, France, Singapore, Belgium, and Spain. Both Italy and Guatemala have given Liza a unique perspective on personal development. Liza, welcome to Just Like Nana. We are so excited to have you here today.

Liza Miron 2:53

Thank you so much for inviting me.

Amie Penny Sayler 2:55

We like to start each episode, if you're willing, to have the guest, you, talk about a favorite or powerful memory of a grandma or great grandma and also what you called her. There's so many different words for grandma. It's fun to hear everyone's version of what they called their grandma.

Liza Miron 3:12

Yeah. So I'm from Guatemala. That's where I was born. That's where I lived until I

Liza Miron's Background and Personal Story

Liza Miron 3:18

was 23. And my grandmother was American. However, because in Guatemala we speak Spanish, we would call her Abuelita. And you know, it's interesting because I think about her all the time. She died during COVID. So I lived all my life until the recent years with her being part of my life. And I think about her all the time. And right now that you asked the question, I knew you were gonna ask the question, I started having tears in my eyes because she really was such a special person for me. I'm the oldest of the girls in my family, of the cousins, and we are 28 cousins. So we're a huge family. And one of the things that I always appreciate and I'm grateful to her was her parties. Because she would make these huge parties. I mean, she loved to do the parties, but it was a way of keeping the family together. She had 8 children, and like I said, 28 grandchildren, and I don't know how many great-grandchildren before she died, but at least like 20 great-grandchildren. And we were more than 100 when we got together because with the partners and kids, and it was huge parties. I mean, the logistics of doing that, but she would still do them, you know, for Christmas, for Easter, for Thanksgiving, because she knew of the importance of keeping the family together. And of course, it's a big family. There were issues, there were conflicts, there were difficulties, but still, we were all there for her. And we didn't realize that what she was doing was creating this family that would still stick together no matter what. And even now that she's not alive anymore, each of my aunts has taken one of the parties. So one of them does Easter, another one does Christmas, another one does Thanksgiving to continue the tradition and continue the value that she brought into the family, of the importance of being a family, of being together, of doing the effort, of staying in touch with each other.

Amie Penny Sayler 5:17

Now I have tears in my eyes. That is just beautiful. And what a loving tribute and way to honor your Abu elita's memory by continuing her legacy. She just sounds like such a beautiful, wonderful person. Do you still feel her presence at all?

Liza Miron 5:35

I do all the time. And you know, the interesting thing, I mean, she, my goodness, she's one of the most amazing people that I know in the whole world. She was uh very artistic. She would love gardens as well and love

Family Constellations: Understanding and Healing

Liza Miron 5:47

nature. And once my mom asked her that if she would come back after she died, what kind of animal she would come back as? And she said, uh, as a hummingbird. So, you know, nowadays, each time I see a hummingbird, I think about her and I say, hi, Abuelita. It doesn't mean that that hummingbird necessarily is her. Maybe it's through that hummingbird that she's reminding me that she's still here. Or maybe it's just a hummingbird, but I think about her each time I see a hummingbird, and in my dining table in the middle where the light is, I have a hummingbird, a glass hummingbird, there as well. So I think about her all the time, and she's I feel her so present in my life.

Amie Penny Sayler 6:26

Thank you for sharing all of that. Can you talk about your work and talk about what family constellations are? That that's just a component of your work that makes it so fascinating.

Liza Miron 6:51

Family constellations is a healing modality that helps us see the part that is hidden, the unconscious part that we carry for the family system. From the moment of conception until the first years of our life, we need to survive. Survival is the most important aspect for us because you know we we want to survive. So we want to belong. Because if we don't belong to the system, we're not going to survive. So we start connecting energetically to everything that's there in the system. And we want to be one of the system. So we take on the beliefs, the values, the patterns, the even the difficulties, the trauma, the blocked emotions, the way that our ancestors lived their lives. In a way, it's like, for example, I have dark curly hair. And if everybody in my family has dark curly hair and I come as a dark curly haired one, it's like, yep, that's one of us. If I suddenly come like a very straight-haired blonde, it's gonna be like, Who is this? So unconsciously, it's like, and if in my family there's a lot of love, then it's like I'm gonna live with a lot of love. But if there's a lack of love, I'm gonna live with a lack of love because I come from the family of a lack of love. Or if those illnesses, I don't care if that's gonna affect my life. I unconsciously say I come from the family where there's illness, when there's cancer, where there isn't a good relationship with partners. So that's what I'm gonna do in my life. So I start creating a life script of how my life is gonna be according to these connections with my family system. And also I want to give back. So I unconsciously say, Grandma, I'm gonna take on your pain. Uh, great grandfather, I'm gonna take your fear, I'm gonna help you heal your trauma. So we have all these connections of what we're taking on for the ancestors and taking on for the family system and beliefs and patterns. So we create our whole life. So we say that it's like the iceberg, that on top of the iceberg is the conscious part where we say, I want to have love, a partner, a successful career, I want to be happy, I want to have health. But if underneath the ice, where the subconscious decisions are what I chose is that I'm gonna suffer like my family, that I'm not gonna have love, that I'm not gonna have abundance, that I'm not gonna have health, that is what's gonna direct my life. No matter how much limiting beliefs, no matter how much doctors I go to to be able to have health. If underneath there's this program, this decision, this entanglement that I'm not gonna have health, that's where my life is gonna take the direction until I'm able to go there underneath to that subconscious part and say, wow, I chose to be unhealthy, to be part of the system, to honor, to respect, to remember, to help heal this trauma. But this is not mine. This is not my responsibility, and it doesn't help me, and it doesn't help my ancestors either, because if I'm holding on to this, it's harder for everything in the system to be released. So now I realize this and I choose to release it, and I choose love, I choose health, I choose success because this is how I really heal the system. Because by me choosing this and having this in my life, it becomes available for others. And this is all the work that we're doing in the family constellations. We're looking at those entanglements, vows, decisions, promises that we have taken on for others in the family system to be able to release them. And the way that we release them is first to connect to the family system because we belong, or we will always belong. And we need to remember that we're part of the system, that our life is here thanks to our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents. And it doesn't matter if we're adopted and we don't know anybody in the family system. It's just that this acknowledging of my life comes from you, and I choose to see you, to accept you, to say thank you, to let go of any judgment and criticism, because I know you all did your best. And thanks to you, I am alive. So when we are connecting to the past, to the ancestors with acceptance, with love, then we're able to release what we are unconsciously carrying for them because we don't need to have that unconscious connection because we're already doing it in a conscious way with love, with acceptance. And that's when we can begin to release, and we also receive a lot from the system. We also receive love, guidance, uh, support, uh strength, wisdom. There's so much. So we also in this modality open up to what's there for us from our family system that can be helpful and useful for us in this moment. So that's a little bit of what family constellations is.

Amie Penny Sayler 11:40

I'm just imagining this beautiful, complex web of all of these connections. I want to talk about a lot of times in families, there's sort of what's said and there's what's not said. And a lot of times, a lot of the power and sometimes trauma lies in what's not said. And in some ways, that's kind of reminding me, you know, you sort of talked about the iceberg. I'm kind of thinking of the under the water. This is the big, ginormous part of the iceberg that no one's talking about. How do we start to acknowledge, parse out, really feel into this is part of this family constellation. It's it's not said out loud, so I haven't thought of these words in my brain, but it exists and it's part of my energetic experience.

Liza Miron 12:27

So there's a lot of the things that have happened in the past that we don't know about, most of them. We can have entanglements up to seven generations back in the past. So if you think about how many people are there, I mean, I know, 60, more or less. How many of them do we know? Do we remember? And even if we think about our lives, and I ask you, how much do you remember do you remember about kindergarten? There's a lot of traumas that people experience in elementary school. And nobody knows about them because they didn't even realize and registered them as traumas. But they are, and there's something they're frozen in the system in that person. And so if we think about the complexity of life and how wide life is, of us, of our parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, there's so much. So there's a lot of secrets that are not even secrets, yes, there are secrets, but they're also traumas and things that were unknown that we connect to because we connect to all of this energetically, and that affects our lives. And this is why this modality is so helpful, because we don't need to know the stories in order to be able to heal. What we do is that we start from our life. What's not working? Where are we blocked? Where are there patterns that keep us from being able to live our life uh in a fulfilled way? And usually, if we have tried to heal aspects or shift things in our life that we usually go back to, or we have emotions that are overwhelming all the time, and we don't understand why they're so overwhelming, it usually are signalizing connections with the family system. So we might have an idea, okay, that is probably my grandmother, or we might not know. And the important part is that we don't need to know for the healing. We just go to our part and say this is connecting to the family system. And whether I know or I don't know who this is, I honor and respect them and their experience and what they went through. And I choose to release the part that is not mine, and I leave with them what is theirs. And I choose to live my life to the fullest to honor their sacrifice. So we don't need to know. And there's so much that we'll never know. And there's some parts that we do know that help explain the dots. I don't know if you've seen this series in Netflix called Another Self. It's a beautiful, very entertaining series. It's uh in Turkish, but it's dubbed in English if you want to have it dubbed or subtitled. And it talks about family constellations and the, you know, three friends and their life and drama, and they do constellations there. And I love the series because it's made to entertain. So you can understand there what you don't see in real life constellations, because in the series you see, oh, this person has those issues in their lives, and then you see the constellation that they're doing. It's like, oh, and it's because of the father. And then the series goes to the whole story of the father and what happened, and you know, oh, so that person is doing this in the life because the father experienced this, and this is what's going on in the constellation, and you make all the connections. And in real life, we don't have those detailed stories. However, we don't need them for the healing, but it's nice when we know them to connect the dots for our logical mind that likes to connect the dots.

Amie Penny Sayler 15:39

Can you talk a little bit? I hear what you're saying about honoring our ancestors, and that is certainly Just Like Nana has that focus of, you know, not looking to blame anyone, looking to honor, looking to appreciate and understand that everyone sort of did the best they could with the circumstances they had in their lives and their capacities and all of that. And I also want to, because nothing's ever simple, I also want to acknowledge, and as someone who's experienced various kind of dysfunction within my own family, there can sometimes be some anger and bitterness and with the experiences that that we might have had because of others and traumas and situations that hadn't been worked out before we sort of arrived. What do you recommend for kind of, yes, that anger and those feelings can be there? And at the same time, we can honor. How do you work with that dichotomy?

Liza Miron 16:36

Just like you said it. It's not one or the other one. And what is important when we approach this is I mean, if you think about the family system, there's a lot of hate, pain, anger, abuse. They're perpetrators, and there sometimes there's people that have hurt a lot, and even family members. There's uh abuse, physical, emotional, sexual. There are family members that could have been criminals. Life is what it is, and there's no family system that's perfect, all full of angels. It's just that's just not the way human uh life works. There's a lot of the part that it's difficult, that's a suffering, and that's actually why we're carrying this. Because our ancestors were not able to integrate this, it remained blocked, and then we connect to it in as an opportunity to bring healing to it. And that's why we're stuck, because it's not ours and we don't know where it's coming from. And this is why this modality is so powerful. And the approach that we do in family constellations is understanding that we're all human beings, like you said, doing the best that we can. That doesn't mean that we're not responsible for the hurt that we have done, that our ancestors are not responsible for the hurt that they did. And we're allowed to be angry, to be sad. We're allowed to not have a relationship with a living member of the family system. If that relationship is not a healthy relationship for us, even if that's one of our parents, if that's not a healthy relationship, it is okay. And it's best for us to not have a day-to-day relationship with them. However, we are not going to judge them, criticize them, think that they're horrible, terrible human beings, and what they did was the most terrible. Even if there is a lot of suffering. We separate, but with love, with understanding that if we step into their lives, if we were able to really step into their shoes with all the entanglements that they were carrying from the family system, you know, maybe they were carrying an entanglement of a perpetrator that hurt a lot of people in the past. They have that energy of perpetrator and they just don't know what to do with it. They just don't have an explanation for it. It just comes up and comes up in anger and they hurt others, they don't want to. I've never met anybody that has said, I really wanted to hurt this person. You know, it just happens. And then they regret it and they're not happy about it, and they really want to not hurt again, and then it happens again. So, with our ancestors, if we were able to be in their shoes with entanglements that they had, with their own traumas, like I said, we don't know what happened with their siblings, with their parents, with their neighbors, with the elementary school, with what was their relationship with their caretakers, the values, what they experienced, the values at that time in society, the support or lack of support that they had. If we were really living from that moment of conception, their lives, we would probably do the same thing. This does not mean that we excuse them. Everybody's responsible for their heart. But we understand that even the worst people have done the best that they could because they didn't have the love, the support, the resources, and they had a lot of entanglements from the past in the family system that they were carrying that energy, just didn't know what to do with it. They didn't have somebody to come and help them deal with it. So they were just like in a reactive mode, getting people more angry with them and then being more excluded, and then hurting more because of it, and going into this cycle of suffering. They just didn't have the support. And I always tell my clients and my students, I say, listen, we live in a time where we have so much in the tip of our fingers. I mean, if we have depression, we can Google it. And we just have this amount of sources of support, of you know, courses, of therapists, of modalities. And even I, as a teenager, I went to a therapist and I didn't tell my friends because I didn't want them to think that I was crazy. And that was me. Imagine my parents, grandparents, great-grandparents, they had nothing. They lived in a time that was like, you know, suck it up. If you're hurting, if you're just, you know, do what you can. And just they were doing with what they could with the resources and information they had at that moment. So when we're working with hurt in the past, we come from that approach, understanding that they really did the best that they could. And it's okay for us to be upset with what they did, to be angry, to have our hurt, to have our pain. And we need to work with that part of us. And in some way, we will always feel, you know, if if I'm in a relationship where I was abused by my parents, yes,

The Role of Entanglements and Their Impact

Liza Miron 21:15

the hurt will always be there. However, I can work with it, so that it doesn't run my life, doesn't affect my life anymore in the way that blocks me, that keeps me from enjoying my life. But yes, if I have I've been hurt by the people that have been the most important to me in my life, that will always be there in a way. However, I can work with it so that it doesn't define me anymore. So it doesn't affect me in a negative way. And I will always be a little bit sad that it happened. And that's okay. We can be sad, we can be angry. It's when we block those emotions that create issues in our life, especially health issues and relationship issues. So we can accept that our parents did what they could, and that was their responsibility, and they did not protect us when they needed to. That was not our Okay. But we can also honor and respect them as human beings, knowing that they cared so much that we probably don't know.

Amie Penny Sayler 22:07

That is really beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. You know, sometimes we can think of things as one way or the other. And it's so important to just see and hold and appreciate that it can be both at once. And we can honor and we can work on our piece of how am I going to acknowledge my feelings and learn to live with those in a way where I'm running the show and not those old patterns or feelings? You've talked about entanglements and things being blocked and kind of holding it in the body. Can you talk through? You know, I think I have an idea from what you've said, but tell us what an entanglement is, sort of define that more. And then how do those live in the body? I mean, are they energetic? Are they a chemical? What's going on in the body with those?

Liza Miron 22:49

So they're mostly energetic. However, part of it comes from the DNA. And what's important to know is that it's the epigenetics, the part that we're now understanding more scientifically, that is the part that activates or deactivates the genes. So we can have those genes, and it's those energetic connections that we have with our ancestors, those entanglements that are going to either activate or not activate the genes. So the entanglements are basically those bonds that we have with our ancestors that we decide to carry things for them or like them that keep us blocked in our lives. Those are basically the entanglements. We have connections with everybody in the family system. And like I said at the beginning, we also receive a lot. We receive support, love, information. There's so much wisdom, and everything that they did that worked and did not work. There's information there always. So we receive a lot as well as well. So we have bonds with everybody. But when we have decided to have a connection with an ancestor, and unconsciously said, grandmother, I will take your pain, your suffering. So for example, maybe my grandmother lost a child, and it was so devastating for her that she wasn't able to really integrate that pain in her life. And maybe she was depressed. But for her, it made sense. She lost a child. There's almost like nothing so devastating in life as that. However, I might not even know my grandmother. And unconsciously, I connect to her and say, Grandmother, I see that you were not able to deal with your pain. I will carry it for you. Or I will carry it like you. I might even not even know that my grandmother lost a child. But suddenly, you know, maybe she lost it because things get activated in different moments in time. So maybe she lost it when uh she was 30 years old. So I have a great life, children, marriage, work. And suddenly, when I hit the age of 30, I start being depressed. And I just don't know why. There's nothing wrong with me. I have a good relationship, I have love, I have what I need for life. And it's like, what's wrong? Why don't I want to get out of my bed? I just don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand why I'm so sad, why am I so depressed, why I cannot get out of my bed. And so the reason is that entanglement, that unconscious decision that I made to take on the suffering of my grandmother. So it affects many areas in my life. It could affect my physical health. And it depends on the entanglements that we have, because our ancestors had challenges in every area of life, you know, with their work, with their relationships, with their partners, their children, their health. So we can have any kind of entanglement. So according to what entanglement is, it's going to affect different ways in our life. It could affect our physical body. We can say, you know, if there are many women in my family that have had cancer, I can unconsciously say, I'm part of the family of the women that have cancer. So if that's my decision, because I want to belong to them, at some point I will develop cancer because that's the decision that I made in a young age to belong in the system. So the entanglements are those decisions that we made that we make to belong or to help heal the family system that blocks us from being able to live the fulfilled life, either with health, with abundance, with love, with joy. And that's what we're healing in the family constellations.

Amie Penny Sayler 25:56

And when we heal it and that block is released, then is it no longer an entanglement for future descendants?

Liza Miron 26:03

When we heal it, especially when we have younger children, they benefit from it 100%. For example, if I heal it and I have several siblings and entanglements, we don't know exactly how they work. Sometimes only one person in the family system has an entanglement. Sometimes everybody has the same entanglement. Sometimes just a few have the same entanglement. So let's say this, it's a made-believe uh example with my grandmother that lost a child with this example. Uh, maybe I have an entanglement and my brother also has an entanglement and my other brother doesn't. So when I heal it, it like opens up the field for the brother that has that entanglement to heal it as well. But because he's already grown up a person, he already has his choices and he also has like to welcome this release that's now available. So it benefits our children directly, but others in the system that have the same entanglement, it helps them to start release it. But then it's also up to them in their path, in their life, what to do with that energy of healing that's coming up. Are they gonna welcome it? Are they gonna receive it? Are they going to allow themselves to flow with and also release the entanglement? Then that's different in each case, according to each family, each entanglement, each situation. But it does benefit everybody because it's now opening for the healing to take place in the system.

Amie Penny Sayler 27:27

You've talked about so not only are we receiving these entanglements, but we're also receiving this belonging, love, wisdom, information. Can you talk a little bit about tapping into that? How does a listener go about? I want to really kind of have a sense of my ancestors more, feel more into that. Those, I'll call them positives. I don't mean to make entanglements seem like they're negatives, because obviously a lot of gifts come through entanglements as well and how we deal with them and our strength and all of that. But how do we kind of tap into that piece of our ancestral and family constellation?

Liza Miron 28:05

So remembering that's one of the most important parts. And like I said, and this is why I'm so grateful for my grandmother to bring the family together. And she always talked about her parents and her grandparents. And so we need to remember the previous generations. When we want to connect to all the blessing that is there in our family system, we can just close our eyes and do like a meditation and think about our parents, our grandparents, our great-grandparents, and their parents, even if we don't know anything about them. We can just think about them and say, You're important. I'm here thanks to you. And I'm grateful for my life. And I honor and I respect you no matter what happened in your life. Thank you for existing. So something as simple as that, it's already very powerful. And then you can say, and I'm open myself to receive whatever blessing is there for me, whatever can be helpful for me in this moment.

Amie Penny Sayler 28:58

How do we balance? You know, I hear what you're saying about entanglements and I hear what you're saying about kind of a script we generate for our lives. And you use the example of I'm a person who comes from a family with cancer, so I will have cancer. And I'm sure there's, you know, I'm just imagining a reaction to that of sort of, I didn't choose to have cancer. This isn't what, you know, what I would have picked. How do you kind of help people balance? Yes, there are things that happen to you, and yes, the choices you make lead you down a path that make that thing potentially more likely to happen to you. Or, you know, every situation is different. So I am not suggesting that people invite certain things into their lives, but how do you kind of deal with that when you work through this family constellation modality?

Liza Miron 29:45

So, especially illnesses are very complex. And it's not one solution and it's like, oh, do a constellation for cancer if you have cancer and then you're going to be cured. No, it doesn't work that way. Like, you know, human beings is very complex. And yes, nobody makes a conscious decision to be sick, to have issues, to have problems. However, we do make these unconscious decisions. And when we have cancer, if we still have that unconscious decision, it is important for us to release it so that it's easier for us to heal. But cancer also connects to many other aspects, connects also to our physical body, the toxins that are there in our life. What are we eating? How are we living our lives? I mean, it's connected to so many different aspects, not just to genetics, like we were saying. Yes, there's the genetic part there. But there's also the ancestral entanglement that we could have chosen. And in order for us to be able to heal more easily and heal the cancer, it is helpful to release that entanglement because if we're unconsciously holding on to that decision that in order to belong, I'm going to have cancer, like others in our family system, it's going to be a lot harder for us to heal that cancer if we still have that decision. So letting go of that decision is going to help like do like a quantum leap in our health in whatever illness we're dealing with. But we still have all the other aspects of the illness that we need to work with. I wish it were like a magic formula that is like one consolation, and if we are free of that forever and ever, and that's it. Life is not that simple. You know, it's life is complex, and we have so many other aspects that affect our life. This is just one of them. However, it's a very important one that we need to release if we want something to work in a different way in our lives, especially something that is very important, like our health. If we have like a very limiting uh illness, then it can be really helpful to work on that aspect. And yes, all the other aspects that are create that created that that illness,

Balancing Anger and Honoring Ancestors

Liza Miron 31:38

it's important for us to also work with it. It's not gonna work on its own, but it is very helpful to release that part.

Amie Penny Sayler 31:44

Thank you for that. I knew that it was more complex than that and just kind of wanted to talk through that complexity a bit. So I appreciate that. One more thing I want to touch on this sense of belonging. I will tell you, so part of the genesis for this podcast is that my middle name is Elizabeth. I discovered that I had 45 grandmas and great grandmas and with the name Elizabeth and from different parts of my family tree that wouldn't be connected until generations later. And that name just really called out to me. I felt a connection. And so I'm writing stories about each one of my grandma Elizabeths. And part of that is for me to have that sense of belonging to my family tree because of, you know, either death or choices that were made generations before I even came around. There's a lot of parts of the tree that sort of get cut off, right? Like there's no access to those ancestors through living relatives. And so, can you talk about that belonging more? Because I think that's so important and intense and helps us understand why these family constellations are so powerful and why we choose to carry the entanglements for the sense of belonging.

Liza Miron 32:54

So, first, we belong to a family system and we will always belong. We always have and always will. And it doesn't matter what we've done, what has happened, or if we have been excluded from the family system, we still belong. And the thing is that we think that because we've been excluded, I mean, if we have been excluded, that we're not belonging anymore. But what we don't know is that we always will. We just will. There's nothing anybody can do to exclude us from the family system because we're part just by being born from that system. But this is what we don't know consciously. And because we think that we're being excluded, we start making the separation that affects our life and how we live. So once we know that we will always belong, that we are always part of the family system, you know, even if I adopted, even if I had a father that came from a sperm donor, that is my father, and that is my family system. I still belong to that system and will always belong. So knowing that helps us like feel supported in a different way. Because sometimes we feel that we're not, and our conscious mind can make a lot of separation and problems and difficulties from thinking that we don't belong. But when we have that support in the back, we're able to rest a different way in life. Because we have this support from our ancestors, where we came from. And then we can release those unconscious decisions that we make to belong, because we know that we will always belong no matter what. So we choose to connect to our family system consciously with love, with gratitude, with acceptance, saying thank you. Because we know that no matter what happened, no matter how my life was, no matter what difficulties I had with others in the family system, we're all part of the family system. And then we can let go of that part that we took on as an early uh child to belong that is not keeping us connected to all the possibilities, joy, uh, living in the present moment.

Amie Penny Sayler 34:42

That was really healing for me. I intend to listen to that probably over and over again. And I hope that some listeners too really heard that and really felt that sense of belonging and that it's not. I think one of the things I'm way oversimplifying it, but there's not a person in your family who has the keys to whether you belong or not. You just simply do belong.

Liza Miron 35:04

Yes, and let me add something else with that very fast. Sometimes we think we need to, somebody needs to give us permission to have love, to have joy, to have health, to be able to release the entanglements. And nobody needs to give us permission because we're adults and we're responsible

Practical Steps for Connecting with Ancestors

Liza Miron 35:19

for our lives. When we're young children, we cannot release them because we still depend on the family, in the system. But once we're adults, nobody needs to give us permission. We are the ones that decide. So I just wanted to share this part for whoever's listening that's waiting for their

Addressing Illness and Entanglements

Liza Miron 35:35

mother to help them release and give them permission to enjoy life because she couldn't, and then they are not. No, nobody needs to give us permission. We need to allow ourselves and to give ourselves permission and to decide to do this right now because nobody else is responsible for us. We are, and then because we are responsible for ourselves, we are able to make those decisions.

The Importance of Enjoying the Present Moment

Liza Miron 36:03

Us deciding to enjoy our life is the most healing that we can do, no matter what other modalities and what we choose and do in our life. That choice of enjoying the present moment, no matter how it is. Like you said, Amie at the beginning, holding everything together, holding the difficult part, the anger, the sadness, at the same time as the gratitude for what's here, present in this moment right now, and decide to say yes. I accept my life, I say yes, I enjoy my life. I'm gonna go outside and just feel the sun and say thank you for this moment. That is the most healing that we can do for us in the family system because we're doing what our ancestors were not able to do. That was to really fully enjoy the present moment and say yes to life.

Amie Penny Sayler 36:48

I thank you for saying that. I think sometimes, you know, now I'll just use myself as an example because I don't want to talk about how other people experience life or what they think, but there can be this notion of, oh, well, once that anger's gone or once that sadness is gone, then I'll be able to move on and enjoy. And I think it's this recognition of that will always exist with varying levels of intensity. We can certainly address it, deal with it, learn how to sort of coexist with it, but also there will be new situations that will arise that will bring new feelings of sadness or loss in life, or it's always going to be both. And so I really appreciate what you're saying about this learning. They both exist and I enjoy my life in this moment as it is.

Liza Miron 37:37

Yes, yes, that's what we all need to say and do.

Amie Penny Sayler 37:40

You got it. Yes, I think the world would be a much happier place if we all could say and do that. Yes. For the listener who wants to learn more about family constellations and you, where should they go? What resources do you recommend?

Liza Miron 37:56

So, my website, it's called coachingandconstellations.com. And in my website, I have information about family constellations. I also have videos and the link to my YouTube channel. I have a lot of videos in my YouTube channel that are small, like five minutes, that can be helpful to understand and go deeper in this modality. I have on-demand course. I have also events that I have monthly, and I have a link for one-to-one sessions. So there's a lot in my website that holds the different ways that people can reach out and start connecting and learning more about this modality and start healing themselves and their family system.

Amie Penny Sayler 38:32

Wonderful. And we will link that in the show notes so everyone will have access to that.

Liza Miron 38:36

Thank you so much.